III. WHYTE RAIN CLOUDS
The heavy rain brushed through the gray wolf, offycer Whyte, as she kept all four feet on the wet grass. She is steadfast in the pouring storm to catch the badger with a baby chipmunk in its mouth before it reaches the edge of the riverbank. The badger ran uncontrollably like it's climbing downhill, but nervous enough that it couldn't reach its full speed with its feet not entirely enveloping the ground as it runs. Whyte knew she had to make a split second decision if she were to save the child of her beloved friend, Charlie.
The distance to her target was too wide to reach with even her best efforts, so she let go of her peak performance to let the will of the wet hill skate her down even faster than she could ever be on her own. With her velocity reaching its maximum, she bent all four legs as to prepare for a mighty head-butt to smash the badger. Her legs sprung forth a powerful enough jump that she hurt her own skull when she colliding with the badger's back.
For a moment, both Whyte and the badger lay unconscious. Erratic wails shrinking into the distance got her to open her eyes. Is something important escaping her, she thought. Little Cameron is crying for help as he's slipped into the river being pulled like a shark dragging down its prey. The badger's been on the loose and abducting children for some months now, making him a high priority target for the Wynter Force. Capturing him would make Whyte the light of the town for months on end, maybe even for a lifetime. With all the disdain on the Wynter Force's recent debacle, this is the perfect chance for her to turn things around for her team, and not only that, but her spiraling depression.
But, no matter the glory, Whyte didn't hesitate for a moment to let the badger run scott free as she has more important matters to attend to: bringing Cameron back ashore safely to return to her father. She flipped up from off the ground to jump forward onto her four legs. She narrowed her body as she ran like a speeding bullet. Her feet had trouble gaining balance from the wet grass making her lose her grip with the earth, so she turned to her intuition again and let her feet make one with the muddy ground to slide like a gracious ice skater. Whyte bent her legs to prepare to launch herself like a cannon ball as she approached her target. Once she kicked the ground, it was as if she grew wings without her own consent. Jumping into the river with the grace of someone without distraction from their own thoughts, she transformed her body to swim without a moment of delay.
Cameron is no longer in sight. Knowing full well his brown fur would stand out like a distracting blood clot in the river, Whyte knew she had to dive in and make haste to find him. With full attention to scan the river, the abnormal color of Cameron caught her eye. There he is descending downwards to the bottom of the abyss. Whyte kicked her feet underground as if she were taking flight to swoop in and grab the little guy with her mouth like an eagle catching lunch. She is well trained in holding her breath. Not even hesitation could or the fear of downing could stop her from diving in headfirst. A hinge off oddness pervaded her gut as she listened to her intuition. Not for her failing pride as an offycer of the Wynter Force, but because her body told her that she could get farther quicker by holding her tongue and being an obedient worker, a passerby, a companion to the trudging waters. Her letting go to the waves own forces allowed her to sink sooner with energy saved up to grab him.
Grabbing little Cameron by the neck, she used the energy she saved from going with the flow of the waters to swim back up. As she made it near the tip of the water, her willpower cracked. Thanks to lady luck, she made it high enough to the top that she was able to float both of them both for air. The caress of the wind against her cheeks woke her up. Opening up her eyes gave her some trouble, but the warmth of Cameron in her mouth got her attention. Remembering she is in dire straits to save a beloved friends kid is all she needed to pull herself back into the heat of the action. With bated breath she opened her mouth wide open to give Cameron air as she swam back to land.
With solid ground at her feet, many deep breaths were took. Whyte put Cameron on her back and made her way back to Charlie. Charlie wore a smile that he believed has been gone since her son's kidnapping weeks ago. With all the rumors floating about the children being sold as livestock, Charlie hasn't been able to sleep a nick since. The light in his eyes shown once again as his smile could no longer be hidden. He zipped right through the cold rain and opened his arms for Cameron to make his return in them. Cameron let go of Whyte's hand to return home to his father's embrace. The cold rain made no impact in the warmth of his father's arms. They melted into the comfort of knowing all is well now that they're reunited once again.
"My son." Silence filled the air as Whyte took in the love Cameron and his son brewed. There is a drip of black at the bottom of her heart. The beauty caught her gaze, but the hole she felt decaying at the tip got her to start getting her feet together to walk away without even a word. She hasn't seen him in ages, but her insecurity got the better of her. She didn't want her feelings of inadequacy to get in the way of something so pure.
She took the long way home. She forwent the straight road with umbrellas and sheets to protect her face from the rains touch. The crumbling wet dirt surrounded by trees let her hide from any potential eyes. She couldn't see the road ahead as she held her head down in shame, but her knowledge of the land when studying to be a part of the Wynter Force lead her home nonetheless. Feeling unworthy to have her head held high, she let the feeling of being a disappointment take her for a ride. Even after saving a child, and relighting the happiness in her friend's heart, unworthy is the word she held close to her being. After a slow trudge back to her underground home, she brought her mud covered feet inside with her. A trail of cold black as long and hard as the shell of her heart painted her floor. After she made her way to her bed, she looked at her foot knowing she didn't want to sleep in mud that looked like her own filth. With the last of her remaining strength, she found the energy to go wash up in the bathroom before making her way into her bed.
After a few hours of tossing back and forth, she threw her sheets to the floor as she made her way to the wooden desk next to her bed. Her seat freezing her into an icicle, she felt no need for a heater. Looking into her vanity mirror, her ruffled appearance matched her opinion of herself. Worn and torn and only deserving to be lovelorn. She's grown to welcome the shivers as a way to remind her that she's still alive, but paid no attention to the fact she may not be so well. Physically, mentally, emotionally? It didn't matter enough to cross her mind. With an esteem too low to find a reason to understand why she feels so, this is what she deserves. Just someone to take up space because meaning slipped from her when realizing her dreams brought her back where she began: feeling unfulfilled. She outstretched her paw and pulled an auburn box with a heart as a lock on it. She had trouble remembering where she last left the key, but it didn't matter. She hasn't felt the need to look up her precious letters to reaffirm her self-value in some time. For what seemed like months, she has made her way back here every single night like a lost puppy waiting for her best friend to return.
After much consideration, she pushed her chair back so she could fall back on her floor. Her key is under her bed. Instead of picking herself back up, she kicked the bottom of her desk until her heart locked box fell onto her face. Unlocking her sacred treasure, she pulls out letter after letter of all the mail she's gotten as an officer of the Wynter Force. "Thank you for believing me when I said my wife is abusing me... My daughter looks up to you! Thanks for finding her acorn plushy!... I can sleep soundly at night thanks to people like you looking over us... Thank you, Offycer Whyte." The warmth of the affirmation of everyone she's given her time to no longer had an effect on her. She told herself she is doing her duty, and that deep down, would she even be able to lend her paw out in service if no one thanked her for her deeds? Does her duty override her caring heart? An identity crises struck her. She knew not yet how to meet herself and see the love in her she brought to the table. Obligation was the name of her ego. She knew not how to let it go.
Beneath all the work related mail were prim notes laminated with hearts at the top right of each paper. They were special. Not to be tainted by the weather or the grime on her paws. The cold protection reached her palm as she began to read them for the millionth time.
"To the muse that gets my feet out of bed bright and early each and every day... If it were not for you, I know I wouldn't have the strength to be who I am today... I may not be enough for you at this very moment, but with all the times you've shown up for me, no matter the distance, no matter who may be next, the bond we share will live on forever in my heart.
With the greatest of love, Wyll."
After spending a lifetime learning to stand on her own two feet, she felt her them finally brush against the ground when Wyll came into her life. Afraid of learning to bring balance to herself, she leaned on Wyll to catch her stumbles. Fear of losing her ground got her to lose herself. Her life became a garden for Wyll to live in, but things weren't so black and white. She made a home for him, but never found her own nest. When space came along and she couldn't make heads or tails of where the currents of life sucked her into, she clutched ever tighter until Wyll could no longer breathe himself. When he was on his knees and begged, "What could I do to meet your needs?" Whyte returned only with false airs of peace. "Who am I to ask for more when you're all I need to keep me afloat?" Those were her final words before she had to sleep with "who are you?" echoing in her ears every night.
"Your love has no bounds, but I can't give you perfection. I spent ages hoping to get to know you, but it's like I have yet to meet you. You have a heart so selfless everyone around you adores. Yet, when things quiet down, and I see the longing in your eyes, my best foot forward makes no dent. You say my love is all you need, and I've given you all of me. All you've returned is sugar and candy. I love the highs, but the lows are when you retreat back into only what I want. What is it you want? I feel like I'm married to a doll, not a person. This one way street is no relationship; I feel inadequacy take over me as I am unable to meet you stand. I don't know where you are right now even though I'm staring straight into your dimly lit eyes. I've asked you for so many days with no return in my gesture. How do I be there for you if I don't even know: Who even are you?"
Her self-esteem from relying solely on herself for nearly a lifetime helped her keep up the façade of stability, but hiding her envy of all her peers meeting someone to share in their struggles got her to cling to hope. Hope that someone else will take the burden of who she is away from her. Willpower is all she had to get her to get out of bed each morning. "My solitude will give me the strength to give the world what it needs. Someday with my inner strength I've built, I'll earn my love when I prove I am worthy of it." She could no longer break down into an ugly cry to stain her face drenching wet, but she still isn't hard enough around the edges to let the occasion tear escape her eyelids. Deep down she carried her grief: "who am I to deserve what I want?"
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